| Wednesday, 08 October 2008
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Are you troubled by liberalism? Not sure why your brain works
the way it does? Fear not! Join Liberals Anonymous
and recover your brain with this 12-step
program.
Step 1: Admit that you're a liberal.
This is the first step for every liberal on the way to recovery.
It is important to understand that you're not "progressive,"
"moderate," or "enlightened." You're a liberal, and you need to
be honest with yourself about that fact.
Step 2: Pledge to support your beliefs with facts.
Realize that truth is more important than moral superiority and
is the only way to come over to reality. You must research
beyond propaganda from the Sierra Club, Hillary Clinton and CNN
to understand things as they really exist in the world. You can
no longer argue based on "feelings" or emotion. You will
actually need to back up your arguments with real information.
This is a difficult step, because it means you can't be lazy
any more.
Step 3: Love America.
This may be the most difficult step for those of you who are
terrified of being envied by those who hate America for its
freedom and prosperity. Admitting that America actually stands
as a beacon to defend freedom throughout the world, rather than
deserving of hate can make some of you physically ill. You
might want to make a visit to a military cemetery to better
understand that these men and women gave their lives so that you
could apologize for your country's existence. Stop apologizing
to every one envious of America, and start loving her.
Step 4: Take a college level economics class.
A Socialist is defined as someone who's never taken an economics
class. Most Socialists have a hard time balancing their
checkbooks, let alone explaining the simple concept of
supply-and-demand. It's time to flush your complete ignorance
of basic economics down the toilet and understand how the world
actually functions. This concept will be very important for the
next steps that involve communism, facts about corporations, and
the inefficiencies of government.
Step 5: Say "no" to Communism and Socialism.
While this concept is obvious to most of the free world, it is
an important step in your recovery process. If you have
difficulty with this step, spend a month living and working in
Cuba.
Step 6: Corporations are not evil.
If you're reading this article on-line or in an email, it's
thanks to corporations. If you get some kind of paycheck, you
can thank corporations. If you work for a nonprofit or the
government, you still have to thank corporations. The nonprofit
sector and the government wouldn't have any money to pay you
without corporations. It is also important that you understand
that making a profit doesn't equate to "greed" or exploitation.
Capitalism has created the greatest society in our world's
history. Even communist countries need corporations to survive,
so enjoy a nice, hot cup of reality.
Step 7: The government is inefficient.
If you are one of those liberals who believe the government
should tax us more in order to take care of society, you need to
pay special attention to this step. You need to realize that
government bureaucracy will waste most of your tax dollars,
while the private sector will put your money to much better use.
Even most Democrat politicians understand this to some degree,
which is why Hillary's socialist healthcare proposal was voted
down by a majority of both Democrats and Republicans. Go to
your local post office, or call the IRS to ask a tax question if
you need a reminder about government inefficiency.
Step 8: The earth is not your "mother," and she's not
dying.
The time has now come to stop your donations to Greenpeace, The
Sierra Club, and every other EnviroNazi organization to which
you belong. Face the reality that the earth, society and our
environment are better off today than ever in recorded history
and that they are continuing to improve. Many of you tree
huggers will have a very difficult time letting go of the
Douglas Fir on this one. Reading
The Skeptical Environmentalist by Bjorn Lomborg will help.
Mr. Lomborg is a former member of Greenpeace and is currently a
statistics professor at a university in Denmark. He set out to
prove the world was in bad shape and ended up surprising himself
by proving the exact opposite.
Step 9: Stop smoking weed.
Okay, some of you might need to enter another 12-step program to
complete this step. Marijuana is distorting your sense of
reality, and you need to stop using it. Besides, you'll save a
fortune on snacks.
Step 10: Eat a hamburger.
If God didn't intend for us to eat animals, he wouldn't have
made them out of meat. You can put your sprouts and tofu on the
hamburger, but get some meat into you. You'll look and feel
better than you ever imagined. Remember that "vegetarian" is a
Sioux Indian word meaning "bad hunter."
Step 11: Stop re-writing political history.
It's now time to admit that Bill Clinton is a
lying-cheating-sexist-racist-rapist jackass, Hillary Clinton is
one of the worst role models for women in this country, Al Gore
really did lose the 2000 election by every vote tabulation you
attempt, Ronald Reagan ended the Cold War and didn't create the
homeless problem, John McCain is not a typical Republican, and
Jimmy Carter is an anti-Semite with one of the worst
presidential records of anyone in history.
Step 12: Be a missionary.
Once you have completed the previous steps to overcoming
liberalism, it's time for you to share this awakening with
others who are not as fortunate. Go out amongst the liberal
sheep and spread the good word of your freedom from the chains
of ignorance and the fear of being envied that once bound
you.
Congratulations, and welcome to reality.
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