|
Europe
unites in hatred of French
By Henry Samuel in Paris |
History of the Middle Finger Salute (and why
it is still relevant today) |
|
The Complete
Military History of France |
| French solution:
Paristinian state |
A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval
conference that included admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian,
Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself
standing with a large group of officers that included personnel from most of
the countries.
Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a
French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many
languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked: "Why is it that we
always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking
French?"
Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied: "Maybe it's because the
Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to
speak German."
You could have heard a pin drop. |
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"France has neither winter
nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.
France has usually been governed by prostitutes."
--Mark Twain |
"I just love the French. They taste like
chicken!"
-- Hannibal Lecter |
 |
How many Frenchmen does it take to change a
light bulb?
One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him. |
While speaking to the Hoover Institution today,
Secretary Donald Rumsfeld was asked this question:
"Could you tell us why to date at least the Administration doesn't favor
direct talks with the North Korean government? After all, we're talking with
the French."
The Secretary smiled and replied:
"I'm not going there!" |
"I would rather have a
German division in front of me than a French one behind me."
--General George S. Patton |
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| Next time there's a war in
Europe, the loser has to keep France. |
"Going to war without France
is like going deer hunting without your accordion."
--Norman Schwartzkopf |
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"We can stand here like the
French, or we can do something about it."
-- Marge Simpson |
 |
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"As far as I'm concerned,
war always means failure"
---Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
---Rush Limbaugh |
"The only time France wants
us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee."
--- Regis Philbin |
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| There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage
in a train going through Provence. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel
and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and
it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a
really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer
and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman
had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. The Frenchman
was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she
missed him and slapped me instead.' Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The
French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman
and got slapped for it.' And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great.
The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing
noise and slap that French bastard again." |
"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch
and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore.
True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why
this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of
whiskey I don't know."
--- P.J O'Rourke (1989) |
An old saying:
Raise your right hand if you like the French....
Raise both hands if you are French. |
 |
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"You know, the French remind
me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to
dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it."
---John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona |
 |
"You know why the French don't want to bomb
Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a
beret. He is French, people."
--Conan O'Brien |
 |
 |
"I don't know why people are
surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all,
France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!"
---Jay Leno |
"The last time the French asked for 'more
proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag."
--David Letterman |
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| REPLACEMENTS FOR THE FRENCH NATIONAL ANTHEM: "Runaway" by Del
Shannon, "Walk Right In" by the Rooftop Singers, "Everybody's Somebody's"
Fool by Connie Francis, "Running Scared" by Roy Orbison, "I Really Don't
Want to Know" by Tommy Edwards, "Surrender" by Elvis Presley, "Save It For
Me" by The Four Seasons, "Live and Let Die" by Wings, "I'm Leaving It All Up
To You" by Donny and Marie Osmond, "What a Fool Believes" by the Doobie
Brothers, "Don't Worry, Be Happy" by Bobby McFerrin "Raise Your Hands" by
Jon Bon Jovi |
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| Today it was reported that a
severe earthquakes have occurred in 10 different locations in France. The
severity was measured in excess of 10 on the Richter Scale. The cause was
the 56,681 dead American soldiers buried in French soil rolling over in
their graves. According to the American Battle Monuments Commission there
are 26,255 Yankee dead from World War I buried in 4 cemeteries in France.
There are 30,426 American dead from World War II buried in 6 cemeteries in
France. These 56,681 brave American heroes died in their youth to liberate a
country which is guilty of shameful unspeakable behavior in the 21st
century. May the United States of America never forget their sacrifice as we
find ways to forcefully deal with the Godforsaken unappreciative, forgetful
country of France! |
|
"La
Belle France, fromagerie of the world's misfortune,"
by Jonah Goldberg |
Prime Minister Chirac officially has raised the
French terror alert from "Run" to "Hide." There are only two higher
alert levels in France -- "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was
precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory,
effectively crippling its military. |
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